Walking tree

December 11, 2007 11:05 PM

He’s a walking tree, don’t you agree?

This is something I’ve started inking since a few days into September, and yet I’ve made more progress in the past 2 days on it than in the past 3 months altogether. Partly due to what I’ve been doing all semester, I guess, and partly due to the fact that I couldn’t come up with interesting enough ornaments to make his outfit as saintly as I wanted it to be. I have no design genes, yet I’m so taken away by immortal visual orgasms and so tempted to be able to create my own. WHY, WHYYYYYYY

And I haven’t written in here for so long because there was nothing interesting to report. Most of the term has gone by as I work on things that have to be done for the impending week. The classes I’ve taken have also somehow prevented me from being able to slack during class and doodle–I often use that time to finish some manga pages for the weekend update–and I kind of feel bad polluting my so-to-speak art blog with meaningless details of stress and busy-ness. Thus the all-around deadness in my internet presence.

However, in this time, I also feel like I’ve learned a lot of things. Most of the learning experiences are not purely work-harder-and-get-better; a lot of them are door-opening experiences, and I have gone to many places I have not been to/thought of before. Now that I have seen so much more possibility in the musical spectrum, I kind of feel bad about not dedicating my entire life (thus far) to it. My knowledge is limited, I don’t try to broaden my scope, and I don’t try hard to go beyond what is shown to me. I sort of predicted and understood the infinite scope of every career, but the reason why I didn’t do any of that is because I don’t feel like being sucked in a black hole of eternal search. As much as I enjoy deeper knowledge, I enjoy even more just skimming the surface and doing various things that I like to do. As a result, I will never be great, and with that mentality, I’m wasting the time and effort and trust of my tutors and being irresponsible, and not doing anything about it.

Also sometimes I just ask myself, why bother thinking through so much of that (ex. above) if all I am going to do is sit here and do nothing to change it? All I do is worry worry worry, think think think, give myself problems and waste other people’s time. I enjoy being a carefree person and what I want to do most of the time is being carefree; but as a person, I am anything but carefree. Sometimes I wish I could just let go a bit more.

Oh noes look what happened to my entry :( one of my braincell blew up and became 3 paragraphs of nonsense

8 Comments

  • Asheli

    Shilin, I get how you feel, there is a lot of things I enjoy doing too and I really want to be good at all of them. I like to play the oboe, speak french and draw but I can’t be great at all of them. Sometimes I think about changing what I want to do in life because of all the things I like doing above, I’m not good at any of them! It’s kind of frustrating sometimes and when I see another people who are better then me (like you shilin!) I kind of get jelous because I work so hard to be good. I’m really glad I read this entry because I understand what your saying. I want to be carefree and get better at what I like to do too but I always worry about my work not being good enough and give myself exta burden and I really don’t know why I do that anyway, shilin I think that whatever you decide to do you’ll be REALLY good at it because I can tell just from looking at your drawings and art work^_^v so don’t worry

  • read what i said about 3 comments down xD

  • Sounds like maybe , just maybe you need to change your major in school or take some time to think about what it is you really want to do in school and what it is you want to do with your life. I think that’s the best way to go in situations like this one. And I just love what you’ve done with the textures on that pic. Where did you get them from :)?

  • ohh! i see! thanks

  • yes it’s from mayang; i mixed some rock texture along with tree bark. I altered them beyond comprehension too, before applying it to the image.

  • sorry, i forgot to ask, what is this (superb) texture you use in this one? is it from mayang? how is it called? thanks in advance =)

  • keri as a holy walking tree… so pretty *o*!!! (i smell a holy magic user later in BB!! XD) don’t worry too much about this kind of stuff, we all pass by that period we want it or not, your own body and subconscient will tell you when to take a break. just enjoy the moment. maybe not, cuz i think i too one of my brain cells just burned (but that is more due to home work @___@) w/e, enjoy just enough w/e you do, if you enjoy it, it’s easier to do it (in my case at least). oh well, enjoy~

  • Ketaikeon

    The mentality of “having to be great/good at something” is crazy. The laws of logic say that there is always someone better or worse than you… and if someone tries to be the very best, what is there left to achieve when he reaches the top, however unlikely?

    You sound much like my friend. She strives to draw well, then one day she tells me that she realizes that she hates drawing and doesn’t know why she’s doing it. Even so… she still continues to draw her bizarre ideas. She’s better at drawing than I could ever be, but I wonder if she accepts herself and appreciates her own abilities… My friend is similar to you in that she also tends to be lazy in school and thinks too often. Then she gets depressed…

    It wouldn’t hurt to put some effort into studying. However, if you have something better to do with your time, by all means go towards that goal instead. If I could, there are a lot of things that I would rather go do than school stuff. To be carefree… eliminate the problems that are worrying you, I guess. Make your time “less of a waste” somehow. The improvement doesn’t matter if you make it small or big, what matters is that there is an improvement and that you perpetuate it…

    (I guess one of my brain cells died too, I’m writing consolations to a total stranger who reminds me of my friend)