Another summer is almost over. As usual, most of the things I planned to get done this summer didn’t get done, but I’ve had a good time doing what I want to do. I did get SOME work done… and played a lot of RO, and despite having some disputes with my parents early on, our relationship hasn’t hit rock bottom yet in this month of August, unlike last year I believe. I lost weight instead of gaining like I wanted to, but I dunno, I tried my best to eat. Conventions were pretty fun, especially AX, where I got to finally meet all the people I’ve known for years. Juxtaposed with the school year before it, I am pretty satisfied by how this summer went.
This upcoming year will be my last year, and in truth, I don’t really know what 4 years of music education did for me. I certainly did not get turned into an enthusiast, but the things I’ve encountered were also pretty interesting. I benefit more from the time I’ve spent in that new environment, among people I would never normally try to associate myself with, indulging in things I wouldn’t do on my own, than actual knowledge. Maybe the knowledge I’ve gained is now sitting passively in my brain and I don’t realize how much I’ve learned, I don’t know. I don’t want to pursue any graduate education because I just feel irresponsible being there and not 100% interested, and I don’t really feel like following through on my plan to become a piano teacher just for the salary. I want to try my hand in art and see if I could get anywhere with it, but it’s not the responsible thing to do. My mother has medical reasons for her to stop working and just stay home, but she works anyway, while I idly can’t decide which of my hobbies I want to continue and whine about freedom. So I probably will get a job at a music store teaching part time, and work on some art the rest of the time.
I also want to move out after I graduate. My house is comfortable, my parents are great, and I don’t have to feed myself, but sometimes my parents’ worries just irritate me. I understand that it is out of love and most of what they say is valid, it’s just that they can’t understand that the choice is mine, and they really can’t understand why I’d choose the worse option–in their opinion–out of the two, and they think that it is their responsibility to sober me up. Renting an apartment would just be a waste of money because the money is flowing into someone else’s pocket. I’ve considered paying my parents rent in exchange for them to treat me differently, at least this way, the money stays in the family. But my mom said she cannot do that because she’s my mother, she can’t treat me not as a daughter all of a sudden.
At the end of contemplating this (like any other time I’ve thought about these things), I see how vain all my problems are. They’re such plain and simple problems, yet I’m brooding over them as if they’re serious. My life has been too easy, that’s why. not that I don’t enjoy having it easy…
end with something completely unrelated, from fail blog
at 12:34 AM
thanks for all the advices ;;
at 8:14 PM
I don’t think there’s anything wrong brooding over these, as I know it’s a big deal to many students during their final couple of years and they all worry about things like this too. xD I’ll really just be repeating what everyone else said, but in the end, it’s all up to you, and nothing’s set in stone so you’re free to change your mind anywhere down the road. There’s no way for me to know what your options are, but starting out with a job in music part time while working on art on the side sounds like a stable way to start off. :) I don’t know where you want to go with your art, but if you ever wish to try sending stuff to Japan, feel free to ask me for translating help anytime~ :D I’m sure someone there would love your art~ I know the thought of having only 1 year left of college could be.. daunting and scary… but I suggest you try to make the best of it while you can. Like, if your schedule can manage, try to take courses you’ve always wanted to take but couldn’t before! xD Good luck~ :D
at 4:25 PM
I share a lot of your “simple problems” too (want to move out, future crisis, etc.). :(
To restate what some one else already said, science students can have just as much of a life crisis as arts/humanities/social sci/etc students, and as one of them I am crazy scared of my future, or seemingly lack of one. It’s a misconception that getting into science guarantees you a job/PhD/M.D. and if not riches, at least good steady money, and so the science faculties are always overpopulated. I have met more than a fair share of science students who I know shouldn’t even be in this field because they don’t like any of it. Instead they take up space probably meant for the truly interested and passionate people because they conformed to the misconceptions of their parents/society, and in the end probably work their asses off for a career they’ll hate for the rest of their lives. I admit it frustrates me.
I would say to follow what it is you like to do best and what you would be content to do for the next while of your life. There is a balance between what’s “sensible” and “following your dreams”, and I think one of the greatest challenges in life is to find that balance. I don’t think either should be sacrificed for the other, but it is hard where to draw the line.
There’s no shame in taking time to mull over the problems you’re facing right now, so continue to give it the time it deserves and I’m sure you’ll be able to find out what’s right for you and those around you.
at 1:18 PM
Hi there, do you mind if I join the “not too sure about the future” group :D? I started out in a Biotechnology program with a high(read 98%) failure rate. I’ll still love science to death but thinking of the level of difficulty, all the tests,projects, the number of people who have dropped out and just become stressed with everything…I sometimes wonder if I really want to do it as a job. I’m almost done(just one course away from graduating whoooo!) and I can say, without my family’s support, I would have quit ages ago… I really want to try and do something with art, so just need to look around and keep your options open. There’s no law that says you can’t have a legitimate “job” and do what you really enjoy on the side, at least that’s what my mother tells me. Your best bet, in situations like this, is to see where life takes you. Best of luck!
at 12:31 PM
wow, thanks for the comments guys ):
at 12:13 PM
I guess that’s a pretty common problem with most students–myself included. xD I took programming because I thought it would be fun to work on something really deep and computer-y, being my interest and all…but after 2 years of CS studies I’m beginning to think of how much dedication would I give to programming (something I like) in comparison to art (something I enjoy–yea, 2 different things!). My parents support me to the very cent as well–I have a part-time job but that’s nothing compared to the money I flush out of their pockets because of tuition, food and other expenses. I did promise to do my best to fulfill their dream of moving out and explore the world (yea, big dreams, my parents have xD) with them, also to not leave them when they’re old and in need like other kids do. =/ *sigh* Life’s hard and full of important choices, but I hope you’ll get to go with the best ones always, shilin. :) *hugs*
at 10:42 AM
You probably don’t remember me XD, but I’ve posted on your blog probably a year ago, when I first got into university aka, the same school as you XD haha, we were going to meet at the library but I had an astronomy exam I had to cram for so we didn’t. Anyways…I wish I was in forth year XD, then school will finally be over,…well hopefully not in my case, but I do envy you for being in the music program! I was so focused and obsessed with getting into the art program that I forgot to even consider music as an option for my education -_- And I have the same problem as you–well similar–in that I have a feeling that I would probably not persue in what I was intending to after I graduate. I think it’s hard for music and art ppl, ’cause science and business ppl seem to have a more…certain/paved out future after graduation, although I hear from my science friends that they are just as worried about their future as I am. I wish I was in one of those streams, but I have no interest in them….heck I don’t think I even have interest in art anymore….contemporary art anyways, gosh I’m starting to really hate the program I’m in, but I’m just doing my best to see it through until next year.
Anyways, sorry for the rent. > is that I think you’ll succeed in either music or knowledge–you have no idea how much I look up to you in both respects because of your talents >
at 7:46 AM
I second what ikutsukeito said about deciding for the future. Really, I have no idea what I’m gonna do when all my school days are over (including collage/university). In fact, I’m pretty much content staying in high school but all things have to end sometime…
I guess it’s pretty much up to you what you’re going to do. But whatever your choice is, I’m gonna stick by you! XD So long as you show that you’re alive (with a blog, a picture…though I think a blog entry’s better as yours are a really nice read), I’m content! XDD;;;;;; *brick’d* Ahhhhh, sorry if it sounds….wrong and cliche and stuff, I dunno how to sound sentimental/concern/synonym here? without anything cheesy on it. Anyways, bottom line is I’ll support you in whatever you’re gonna do, Shilin-sama~~
And I can understand your plight. My parents are also a worrying lot; they worry so much it gets annoying sometimes. And I dunno about your life being easy, but I see that it’s quite complicated. My life is way ‘easier’ honestly. And I don’t think you’re vain. You just wanna solve it, that’s all.
Heads up!
at 5:53 AM
waaaah
deciding for the future is such a pain in the ass DX
i dont really know what im gonna pursue in college later, since i dont want to do/study something that i know i’ll regret later. but ya know, being a full time digital artist here (philippines) is not really that profitable, esp when all people here are flying out of the country (and yeah, my parents are on wit teh presure). why does money and future always have to go together?!! T_T
at 2:01 AM
I know how you feel, you have now two path, education and art , if you choose the education way you’ll have a fun time with your student, and if you choose the art you’ll spent all your time in your room working, like the mangaka, in fact they don’t have a life just drawing, drawing, drawing ,,, but when there is a chance they will get out to breath a fresh air outside their 4 walls room !
in UAE boys and girls stay in their parents house till they get married, we don’t have something called (( when you turned 18 or graduate you must get out from your parents house !! ))
i’m not trying to scared you or something, this is your future, you must think million time before decide anything ..
i wish you all the best luck .. =3
and sorry my english is week ,, ^^!