Another summer is almost over. As usual, most of the things I planned to get done this summer didn’t get done, but I’ve had a good time doing what I want to do. I did get SOME work done… and played a lot of RO, and despite having some disputes with my parents early on, our relationship hasn’t hit rock bottom yet in this month of August, unlike last year I believe. I lost weight instead of gaining like I wanted to, but I dunno, I tried my best to eat. Conventions were pretty fun, especially AX, where I got to finally meet all the people I’ve known for years. Juxtaposed with the school year before it, I am pretty satisfied by how this summer went.
This upcoming year will be my last year, and in truth, I don’t really know what 4 years of music education did for me. I certainly did not get turned into an enthusiast, but the things I’ve encountered were also pretty interesting. I benefit more from the time I’ve spent in that new environment, among people I would never normally try to associate myself with, indulging in things I wouldn’t do on my own, than actual knowledge. Maybe the knowledge I’ve gained is now sitting passively in my brain and I don’t realize how much I’ve learned, I don’t know. I don’t want to pursue any graduate education because I just feel irresponsible being there and not 100% interested, and I don’t really feel like following through on my plan to become a piano teacher just for the salary. I want to try my hand in art and see if I could get anywhere with it, but it’s not the responsible thing to do. My mother has medical reasons for her to stop working and just stay home, but she works anyway, while I idly can’t decide which of my hobbies I want to continue and whine about freedom. So I probably will get a job at a music store teaching part time, and work on some art the rest of the time.
I also want to move out after I graduate. My house is comfortable, my parents are great, and I don’t have to feed myself, but sometimes my parents’ worries just irritate me. I understand that it is out of love and most of what they say is valid, it’s just that they can’t understand that the choice is mine, and they really can’t understand why I’d choose the worse option–in their opinion–out of the two, and they think that it is their responsibility to sober me up. Renting an apartment would just be a waste of money because the money is flowing into someone else’s pocket. I’ve considered paying my parents rent in exchange for them to treat me differently, at least this way, the money stays in the family. But my mom said she cannot do that because she’s my mother, she can’t treat me not as a daughter all of a sudden.
At the end of contemplating this (like any other time I’ve thought about these things), I see how vain all my problems are. They’re such plain and simple problems, yet I’m brooding over them as if they’re serious. My life has been too easy, that’s why. not that I don’t enjoy having it easy…
end with something completely unrelated, from fail blog