romance

xposting from tumblr! usually I leave these kind of rants for this blog but I felt like posting on tumblr that day while really needing to spam ):

So I was working on new pages and listening to homework from my last year in university for music, and even though I’ve heard those songs a billion times across the span of many many years, I don’t know why it was only that day that this song hit me so hard. This happens all the time but very rarely do I feel it visually, and even rarer do I actually stop what I’m doing and grasp the inspiration, since my self discipline is a little too great for this kind of spontaneous work. But I did this time and spent two hours or so coming up with a sketch. It’s most likely the fact that this is a dance that enabled to actually see what I’m hearing, I love dances……

The culprit is the valse from Rachmaninoff’s suite #2 for 2 pianos. I’m a huge sucker for the kinds of magical modulations that happened in the transition to the middle section starting from around 1:50, it’s just soooo beautiful and blissful and romantic and makes my emotions swelllll and completely obliterate everything else that I was thinking about aughhh ;;; the picture itself is cheesy and generic just like the piece, but I’m just overflowing with happiness and needed to get it out of my system before I can return to drawing meron kicking ass.

The middle section to me right now is very reminiscent of a seductive love song, maybe by a bass or baritone or cello, so very regal and elegant but, at the same time, filled with emotion that could emerge any moment. It was the part that originally hit me and it was the part I wanted to draw, that’s why I started with the fiery sunset and wanted to go for a regal, controlled waltz. But the section itself grew anyway into what just feels like complete joy and happiness ;; I couldn’t help but feel like the dance deserves to be carefree and open. I did this very quickly as I was in the middle of working on other stuff and I felt really guilty about slacking off, but if I still have the sentiments for it later, I would really love to improve the piece for the mood to be even more jubilant. I want it to be infectiously happy, like a royal leaving all his obligations behind and really be able to express his joy. I had thought about using other characters for the drawing, because I need to do that whenever possible since I only ever draw these two, but the fact I always draw them in such serious/solemn/tense atmospheres only help setup this picture better ): I also kind of want to use that kind of intense romance that I had started with in another picture if possible.

I think I’ve drawn enough of them that could safely prove that I’m just obsessed with this OTP of mine with no insincere intent, but I used to always get frustrated about the fact that I need to worry about consequences for drawing these kinds of pictures for them. I get–I’d like to say–interrogated a lot about WHY I draw them together, questions which aren’t always hostile but will always taken by me as so, because they make me feel like I did something wrong, like I’m tricking people into reading my story about something that will never happen, or suggesting that I’m just lying for the sake of saving spoilers. Sometimes I read some of my replies to these questions at a later date, and I’d just feel terrible about how confrontational I sounded because I feel evasive if I just said “because I like it”, and I see so far down the conversation and skip right to my last retort.

Maybe I should’ve said that all along because that’s all there is to it; I love them together, in these non canon times that allow for indulgence. Honestly I have asked my friends about whether I should actually make this canon, because a lot of the later part of the story is not set in stone, and for my own feeling of gratification I want to make them a couple. But really I think a story where they’re together would be pretty fucking boring because that’s a tremendous loss of conflict. In the end I realize that I’m just handling the attention negatively for myself, because I take so much of it as a personal responsibility as the author, and feel as though I’m manipulating my crowd to ask me for certain things like a true attention whore. I could probably use a lot of my apathy for others things in this area because this struggle involves no one but myself, and does nothing but hinder what I’m able to create with my intense motivation. I should really just be glad that my otp belong to me, feel privileged that ultimately I can do whatever I wish with them, and be grateful that there are others who appreciate the work I produce.

end with the hurrying of a storm, all in the span of 3 hours.