Archive for category: Videos


Set my playlist on shuffle, first piece:

clicked next track:

clicked next track:

composers: LOLJK

I was convinced my playlist was on repeat track |:


xposting from tumblr! usually I leave these kind of rants for this blog but I felt like posting on tumblr that day while really needing to spam ):

So I was working on new pages and listening to homework from my last year in university for music, and even though I’ve heard those songs a billion times across the span of many many years, I don’t know why it was only that day that this song hit me so hard. This happens all the time but very rarely do I feel it visually, and even rarer do I actually stop what I’m doing and grasp the inspiration, since my self discipline is a little too great for this kind of spontaneous work. But I did this time and spent two hours or so coming up with a sketch. It’s most likely the fact that this is a dance that enabled to actually see what I’m hearing, I love dances……

The culprit is the valse from Rachmaninoff’s suite #2 for 2 pianos. I’m a huge sucker for the kinds of magical modulations that happened in the transition to the middle section starting from around 1:50, it’s just soooo beautiful and blissful and romantic and makes my emotions swelllll and completely obliterate everything else that I was thinking about aughhh ;;; the picture itself is cheesy and generic just like the piece, but I’m just overflowing with happiness and needed to get it out of my system before I can return to drawing meron kicking ass.

The middle section to me right now is very reminiscent of a seductive love song, maybe by a bass or baritone or cello, so very regal and elegant but, at the same time, filled with emotion that could emerge any moment. It was the part that originally hit me and it was the part I wanted to draw, that’s why I started with the fiery sunset and wanted to go for a regal, controlled waltz. But the section itself grew anyway into what just feels like complete joy and happiness ;; I couldn’t help but feel like the dance deserves to be carefree and open. I did this very quickly as I was in the middle of working on other stuff and I felt really guilty about slacking off, but if I still have the sentiments for it later, I would really love to improve the piece for the mood to be even more jubilant. I want it to be infectiously happy, like a royal leaving all his obligations behind and really be able to express his joy. I had thought about using other characters for the drawing, because I need to do that whenever possible since I only ever draw these two, but the fact I always draw them in such serious/solemn/tense atmospheres only help setup this picture better ): I also kind of want to use that kind of intense romance that I had started with in another picture if possible.

I think I’ve drawn enough of them that could safely prove that I’m just obsessed with this OTP of mine with no insincere intent, but I used to always get frustrated about the fact that I need to worry about consequences for drawing these kinds of pictures for them. I get–I’d like to say–interrogated a lot about WHY I draw them together, questions which aren’t always hostile but will always taken by me as so, because they make me feel like I did something wrong, like I’m tricking people into reading my story about something that will never happen, or suggesting that I’m just lying for the sake of saving spoilers. Sometimes I read some of my replies to these questions at a later date, and I’d just feel terrible about how confrontational I sounded because I feel evasive if I just said “because I like it”, and I see so far down the conversation and skip right to my last retort.

Maybe I should’ve said that all along because that’s all there is to it; I love them together, in these non canon times that allow for indulgence. Honestly I have asked my friends about whether I should actually make this canon, because a lot of the later part of the story is not set in stone, and for my own feeling of gratification I want to make them a couple. But really I think a story where they’re together would be pretty fucking boring because that’s a tremendous loss of conflict. In the end I realize that I’m just handling the attention negatively for myself, because I take so much of it as a personal responsibility as the author, and feel as though I’m manipulating my crowd to ask me for certain things like a true attention whore. I could probably use a lot of my apathy for others things in this area because this struggle involves no one but myself, and does nothing but hinder what I’m able to create with my intense motivation. I should really just be glad that my otp belong to me, feel privileged that ultimately I can do whatever I wish with them, and be grateful that there are others who appreciate the work I produce.

end with the hurrying of a storm, all in the span of 3 hours.




oops I typed an essay



last week of 2011

This Friday will see 3 more permanent (?) residents in my home: my aunt and her two children who are a few years younger than me. The aunt will for sure be home 24/7 until she finds a job, which is very unlikely since she doesn’t speak english, and I will have to look for schools for my two cousins and most likely have to help them with any school work they don’t understand, drive them to places, and just in general have my doors open to my family. I’m beginning to stress out now because I need the kind of concentration and freedom from external hindrances I have right now to work; sometimes even just the interaction of my parents and grand parents and the tv would throw me off. It’s almost like I have those artist retreat in the mountains right here in my room lolol, JUST NOT IN A HEALTHY WAY. It will be a great motivation for me to save up to maybe start paying for a place of my own though! I’ll manage but the transition is going to suck :T /spoiled only child

I’ll be posting a bigger version of this on my sites on new year’s (: but you guys can see it first as a reward for looking at my blog! I am very bad at drawing stuff for special occasions, and since I missed christmas I forced myself to at least draw something for new year’s. I wish all of you a safe and peaceful 2012! (or I guess a dangerous and exciting 2012 if you’re an adrenaline junkie)

Writing about this year feel kinda like counting down my life, scratching another year off til the deadline and I’ve got all these things that I am now bent on accomplishing. I kinda like this because unlike having nothing to do, I feel motivated and unlike having a boss, if I miss a deadline I won’t dread to be scolded and wait for my sentencing. I’m so cut off from society but at this very moment it feels like it’s not worth it to fit myself into social norms just because it will make me miserable and slow down my work greatly.

I looked back at last year’s resolution list to see what I did and didn’t do LOL. I never got around to the studies like anatomy and colour and just plunged headfirst into practical work. I think that’s pretty terrible for my growth but yeah, I never really find myself to be the scholastic type. I feel more like the apocalypse-is-tomorrow-so-I-better-finish-this-book-so-it-can-be-incinerated-by-the-sun-along-with-myself type. I also just outright threw any semblance of a balanced lifestyle out the window in exchange for productivity, and it showed I think… I remember thinking that all I churned out this year was manga pages with relatively few drawings, but while upgrading my gallery script, I noticed I painted more than last year, and most of the pictures had taken much much longer to complete than drawings from last year. I played piano more than last year… though considering I played in like almost half year gaps last year, that’s not saying much LOL… but I can feel my fingers numbing because there are some pieces that even after familiarizing myself with them, I can’t play them as well anymore simply because my hands are more clumsy now from lack of practice. It’s depressing but I can’t ask for reward without putting work in LOL.

2011 summary of stuff I remember:

  • Published CP finally! and suddenly the subsequent volumes are following like the wind (in my mind ok)
  • Got out an artbook too? although that’s more like putting art together into a book because I didn’t draw too many new pieces for it
  • I did better at conventions than previous years because I have books to sell now
  • what I’m doing is much more solid and does not involve describing abstract career concepts to parents
  • I am not sure about this but I think I treated people better? I tried to go the extra mile (at least for me it is considered such) to correspond with (or just respond to) my friends and loved ones. It’s really tiring still but it’s coming to me more naturally
  • I somehow suddenly found a style I am completely comfortable with painting omg?? before no matter what I did I would always struggle greatly with the face, but somehow I can finally bid this decade of struggle good bye

I’m actually not going to do a resolution list for next year because there is nothing I am particularly keen on overcoming above all else, and I would probably mostly just aim for a continuation and improvement from this year. Also I just have no idea what would happen to my work style and habits after my aunt’s family moves in ): but here’s to a safe and peaceful world. I hope that while the young and fed-up stand up for their own causes, they actually have an idea of how to deal with the onslaught of chaos should they actually succeed in overthrowing the “system”, whatever they consider it to be. I’m not the most responsible or considerate person out there and I’m not too filled in on a lot of the current worldly issues, but while I believe some of these world powers are fucked up in the way they operate their countries, I feel like the masses trying to spread justice are just as dangerous and insane.

Ending with my playing! My mom went out today so this would probably be the last chance I have to putting together a recording without anyone else in the house for a long, long time. I did this to record flandre’s theme for my waifu sepia but also decided to record something else too because I get asked about my education once in a while. Time really hurts my skill but I’m not out here to impress any experts haha, if I need to do that in the future I can always actually practice for it. and tune my piano…. it hasn’t been tuned for like 3 + years now LOL;;; anyway this is lezghinka by liapunov; I decided to learn this after hearing a classmate play it and it has been my favourite song to play for fun. Everyone living around me is probably so fucking sick of this song lmfao

4 more days

Until my art book will be available for preorder!

´Д` Then I can finally post new art and move on with my life LOL… and then 2 or 3 more weeks and then I can finally DRAW NEW ART why did I bring this on myself LMAO. I don’t mind drawing a ton of pages per week but it really helps improve my mental state to know that I can slack and draw other stuff anytime I feel the need to and I’m just being responsible with my choices, rather than telling myself I’m doing this because if I don’t I won’t finish stuff in time ughh

I realized a while ago when chatting with a friend that I am all business when it comes to reaching milestones (AS I AM WITH EVERYTHING ELSE ACTUALLY…) so I decided to celebrate my art book a little and go out for some ice cream on preorder night HAHA… I can’t believe I wanted to go for like the past 1-2 years and I NEVER WENT, even though it’s like 10 minutes from my place what is wrong with me ): but fear not ice cream crepes, I will come claim you this weekend.

I’m pretty much done with my late romantic period so I’ve been looking for different music to listen to, and looking through billions of songs you’ve heard billions of times is HARD HAHA. But I’m back to baroque stuff now–or in this case late romantic renditions of baroque stuff LOL. I fucking love the fact that they’re so focused on forms (not sure if this one applies tho I don’t deserve to pass music history lmao) I don’t know why this always gets me off so much more than emotional downpours of romantic stuff and totally makes me wanna cry. same for art, too! I just may have some serious obsessions over control and constrain

Anyway have some busoni! This is only the second half but this is what I’ve been listening to haha

Ending with a wall of self reflection which might inflict brain damage so I’ll put that behind the cut (: