I have lots of ideas that I want to draw out nowadays but nothing seem to excite me quite as much as before because I always feel like I should be working instead of indulging and taking my sweetass time on a single piece ;; but anyway I felt like drawing some long creepy limbs :1

Otherwise I finished two commissions this week! They were smooth and I actually didn’t struggle too much with them or give up really fast like I did with a number of past commissions. now I’m 6 pages behind my CP schedule haha ;; but at least I finally painted something…………

yeahhh fabric w0000000

Anime North’s artist alley registration date is finally set, and unlike past years it’s AFTER the design contest deadlines. I really don’t want to enter again, especially seeing how it is almost a requirement to draw fandom in order fill up the community spirit quota and to win. But the table application process is just too mercilessly competitive, even with the lottery–or should I say, ESPECIALLY with the lottery, reducing the total table numbers drastically and makes the sell-out time decrease from something dumb like 3 seconds to 1 second. In reality it is one of the most fair and stable application processes around; most cons try to improve every year but end up screwing up the process every single time and making it worse. It’s fair to everyone who wants a shot at AN, but it’s kinda a slap in the face for me (and I’m sure for a lot of other people as well, there are SO MANY AA artists who live in toronto it’s unreal) to have such a convenient, affordable, decent sized and long running con right in my city and I would have to worry about getting denied at the last step. I don’t think I’ve ever failed registering for any other cons for the past 4-5 years, but I’ve never actually successfully registered for AN a single time legitimately (I won the design contest twice and got lucky with the lottery twice)

In terms of other cons this year, I’m considering going to: AX, otakon, otakuthon, fanexpo and NYAF. It would be nice to be able to go to AN, and I might add one or two others if I manage to find some other ones that are close by (:

I feel a lot more comfortable starting a drawing with contours and lines even though theoretically slapping down botches of shapes or gradients should help me see a picture better ): so I did this a few weeks ago when I was at a loss of what to draw. I was going ot wait until I refine it a little before posting it because for some reason my sketches are becoming increasingly illegible over the years, but it seems like I won’t have the time for that for a while LOL… I was going to make the white space into a figure hugging and complementing the horned person, but this will probably turn into one of those it-looked-good-in-my-head ideas XD

I’ve also taken on a 30-day challenge for drawing some RO themed stuff in order to assert my status as an ro tard, but I’m going to do it slow because I don’t have the time LOL… somehow whenever I try to quickly draw up something, it turns into crack and everyone becomes derpy

zzzz hopefully when I finish these commissions I can pull my act together and draw some personal art again

This Friday will see 3 more permanent (?) residents in my home: my aunt and her two children who are a few years younger than me. The aunt will for sure be home 24/7 until she finds a job, which is very unlikely since she doesn’t speak english, and I will have to look for schools for my two cousins and most likely have to help them with any school work they don’t understand, drive them to places, and just in general have my doors open to my family. I’m beginning to stress out now because I need the kind of concentration and freedom from external hindrances I have right now to work; sometimes even just the interaction of my parents and grand parents and the tv would throw me off. It’s almost like I have those artist retreat in the mountains right here in my room lolol, JUST NOT IN A HEALTHY WAY. It will be a great motivation for me to save up to maybe start paying for a place of my own though! I’ll manage but the transition is going to suck :T /spoiled only child

I’ll be posting a bigger version of this on my sites on new year’s (: but you guys can see it first as a reward for looking at my blog! I am very bad at drawing stuff for special occasions, and since I missed christmas I forced myself to at least draw something for new year’s. I wish all of you a safe and peaceful 2012! (or I guess a dangerous and exciting 2012 if you’re an adrenaline junkie)

Writing about this year feel kinda like counting down my life, scratching another year off til the deadline and I’ve got all these things that I am now bent on accomplishing. I kinda like this because unlike having nothing to do, I feel motivated and unlike having a boss, if I miss a deadline I won’t dread to be scolded and wait for my sentencing. I’m so cut off from society but at this very moment it feels like it’s not worth it to fit myself into social norms just because it will make me miserable and slow down my work greatly.

I looked back at last year’s resolution list to see what I did and didn’t do LOL. I never got around to the studies like anatomy and colour and just plunged headfirst into practical work. I think that’s pretty terrible for my growth but yeah, I never really find myself to be the scholastic type. I feel more like the apocalypse-is-tomorrow-so-I-better-finish-this-book-so-it-can-be-incinerated-by-the-sun-along-with-myself type. I also just outright threw any semblance of a balanced lifestyle out the window in exchange for productivity, and it showed I think… I remember thinking that all I churned out this year was manga pages with relatively few drawings, but while upgrading my gallery script, I noticed I painted more than last year, and most of the pictures had taken much much longer to complete than drawings from last year. I played piano more than last year… though considering I played in like almost half year gaps last year, that’s not saying much LOL… but I can feel my fingers numbing because there are some pieces that even after familiarizing myself with them, I can’t play them as well anymore simply because my hands are more clumsy now from lack of practice. It’s depressing but I can’t ask for reward without putting work in LOL.

2011 summary of stuff I remember:

• Published CP finally! and suddenly the subsequent volumes are following like the wind (in my mind ok)
• Got out an artbook too? although that’s more like putting art together into a book because I didn’t draw too many new pieces for it
• I did better at conventions than previous years because I have books to sell now
• what I’m doing is much more solid and does not involve describing abstract career concepts to parents
• I am not sure about this but I think I treated people better? I tried to go the extra mile (at least for me it is considered such) to correspond with (or just respond to) my friends and loved ones. It’s really tiring still but it’s coming to me more naturally
• I somehow suddenly found a style I am completely comfortable with painting omg?? before no matter what I did I would always struggle greatly with the face, but somehow I can finally bid this decade of struggle good bye

I’m actually not going to do a resolution list for next year because there is nothing I am particularly keen on overcoming above all else, and I would probably mostly just aim for a continuation and improvement from this year. Also I just have no idea what would happen to my work style and habits after my aunt’s family moves in ): but here’s to a safe and peaceful world. I hope that while the young and fed-up stand up for their own causes, they actually have an idea of how to deal with the onslaught of chaos should they actually succeed in overthrowing the “system”, whatever they consider it to be. I’m not the most responsible or considerate person out there and I’m not too filled in on a lot of the current worldly issues, but while I believe some of these world powers are fucked up in the way they operate their countries, I feel like the masses trying to spread justice are just as dangerous and insane.

Ending with my playing! My mom went out today so this would probably be the last chance I have to putting together a recording without anyone else in the house for a long, long time. I did this to record flandre’s theme for my waifu sepia but also decided to record something else too because I get asked about my education once in a while. Time really hurts my skill but I’m not out here to impress any experts haha, if I need to do that in the future I can always actually practice for it. and tune my piano…. it hasn’t been tuned for like 3 + years now LOL;;; anyway this is lezghinka by liapunov; I decided to learn this after hearing a classmate play it and it has been my favourite song to play for fun. Everyone living around me is probably so fucking sick of this song lmfao

So I like watching mayday, minus the dramatization because I think they’re ridiculous and almost comedic. I’ve always liked mechs but I just don’t allow myself to waste too much time on all things useless and impertinent… not to mention I have no idea how to draw them. But finally after years I asked myself, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF LOL… so after I watched the episode on a korean airliner being shot down by a soviet fighter jet in 1983, I decided to draw a plane.

The episode featured a cgi render of the attack and when the plane was shot in the tail, it nosed up uncontrollably until it lost lift and fell out of the sky. It’s like a giant flying whale that got killed by fishermen ): So in the end I drew the plane as some creature just with commercial jet engines, wingflabs and… wheels LOL. It felt really satisfying to draw despite my having no idea how to draw something like this. It could have been from the sketch in the first photo because nowadays I tend to draw really light and carefully due to the fact that I need the clean lines afterwards, but I really like to be able to scribble hard and brashly. I was going to just leave it at the first sketch because I honestly had no idea what the fuck I was going to do with it, but in the end I decided to etch in some harder lines and totally ruin his day HAHA

Despite being very generic, somehow I want to keep this vaguely established big bear and I even want to give him a name! I was thinking about just naming him Mayday but that’d be naming him to his doom lmao… It would be strangely cute though since he would be a summoned creature and calling his name would also be saying help me. Too bad I can’t use him in CP because of all the mechness but who knows, most of CP resulted from my forcing out of place elements into the story and working everything around it LOL SO MAYBE HE WILL JOIN THE FAMILY………… or maybe it is just for the best that I don’t do that

I went shopping for christmas presents on sunday, but I ended up only buying one present and bought myself a skirt, shoes and a hoodie LOL;;; at least each of those was under $20 and the present itself was like the same price as the three combined ):

So my mom moved some of the furniture from my bedroom to my work room, and among them was my book shelf. She cleared out all of the books inside for the move and found some really old sketchbooks that I had to use for school that I thought had perished and/or wished didn’t exist. They really threw me off because one was from 2002 and I drew sooo much crap on it with pencil crayons, but I remembered I stopped using them after I got a tablet so…… LOL maybe my mouse on photoshop days were longer than I had initially thought…

BUT YEAH I took some pictures to show HA HA ha… I didn’t improve much back then over the course of YEARS because I was a narrow minded bitch type character and I genuinely could not see what the fuck was wrong with my art or myself. I think I am still the same just… less… severe…

The pencil crayon ones were from this sketcbook we had to fill for a class called comprehensive arts in 2002. I’m not quite sure wtf we learned there but that could be said about most of the classes I took ): I did a bunch of these what’s in your locker comics, drawing myself and my friends (I’m #2, look at my fashion sense)

and holy shit lol one of the most primitive versions of veloce after she got the white hairdo I think??? In the very first environments for this character–even before the retarded manga high school manga I did and abandoned–she lived in a vague fantasy world, and she had a LOT of animal sidekicks as well as weapons because I was so head over heels for fantasy creatures and magical shinies sdlfjdlfdl

but I was also still crazy for pokemon at the time so I stole suicune’s head crystal for her sword…

and then I guess I got a tablet and started playing ro…… lol so I topped drawing on paper until grade 12 (2004?) the next 2 small sketchbooks (my last ones until I was gifted one at AE and forced to use it again) were FILLED WITH RO DRAWINGS. and builds, really bad builds because I am a fucking noob at everything. but mostly drawings since that’s why I played ro in the first place: so I can draw a character and say it’s mine LOL I HAVE PROBLEMS. magma dungeon~

I don’t know why I never finished these (probably because I was too busy playing instead of doing anything meaningful) but back then I really liked drawing scenes of happenings.

I am SO ASHAMED of my old works and my old self because not only are they bad, I also thought they were good at the time. Now going to wait about 5 years and then say the same about the art I post all day erryday now :B I fluster so hard it turns into uncontrollable rage when people dig up my old stuff and show them to me because I deny it so much, but once in a while I suck it up and stare at my old shit for long enough to accept them so I could post them so people know how much I sucked even when I was 18 and not think that I’m any different than them.

Ending with some korean bbq from last week. censoring my parents ya!