I don’t look for music to draw to, but when I do come across a song that gets to me I will have this unstoppable NEED to puke my heart onto a canvas and it feels sooooo good to do :I It’s interesting how there is really only one part of the song that hit me and the rest is kind of not very good, but man is that melody well done and hard hitting it almost feels like a waste to be preceded and followed by the rest of the piece. It’s pretty much true for most songs and drawings and stories; it doesn’t have to be made of gold and diamond all the way through, but you better make sure there is one thing that claws right into your viewers’ kokoro and make them remember
I’ve been cleaning up my messy ~artist apartment~ for guests next week, and when I went through my pile of sheet music from university from accompanying singers or just pieces I played in school, I found the last page of this piece that I had no recollection of until I saw what’s on the page… I only remembered it being a song I really enjoyed playing but I had no idea what it was LMAO Q_Q thank god for vague googling I actually managed to find it. I’m not quite sure how I can completely forget about pieces that I absolutely enjoy playing and practiced for like a year or half a year :I
Anyway Shostakovich prelude and fugue #24! I wanted to relearn a fugue and I expected it to be a bach one but IT’S CLEARLY FATE THAT I FOUND THIS ONE AGAIN INSTEAD
The number of pieces I want to learn just kind of pile up like scraps that I don’t have time to finish lol ;_;
I started a new picture from scratch on livestream in an attempt to make a tutorial as requested for my fb page show of thanks and I like how it’s turning out! I’ve been struggling to find an old sketch to colour now that I finished colouring whatever I was colouring before (god I don’t even remember what it was). There are like 20 scraps I’ve done in the past years that I’ve ALWAYS been dying to finish, but idk maybe it’s cus of the time that’s passed that I’m not so into them anymore, that every time I open up one of those files, I just don’t feel right or feel the drive to start working on them. I’ve been trying to start new pieces because of that reason, but because I so purposely try to steer away from things too similar to what I’ve drawn before, it seems everything I come up with recently feels uninteresting to continue :1 So I went back to drawing the same old shit again–this is even pretty much the same as another sword and dance themed scrap a while ago but I stopped caring. I feel excited to work on it until I can share it, and I think that’s the feeling I love getting from drawing and writing stories: slaving away on something thinking aw man I can’t wait til it’s done and I can show EVERYONE or just stare at it myself like a true narcissist
I really should just stop giving a shit about variety and broadening my horizons and becoming a better artist or whatever, because right now it’s doing me more harm than good; it’s making me not want to draw and not like what I’m drawing. As long as I know I’m not avoiding things because I don’t know how to draw them, I think I’ll stick to drawing the same shit I like to draw all the time ]: there really is no point for me to have an impressive and well planned comprehensive porfolio in my pocket if I don’t feel personally involved in most of it. I’m certain I will just turn back and look at those achievements and ask myself why I wasted my time on doing that. I see motivational and professional quotes and posts all the time about the “trooper professional artist” type, how waiting for inspiration is for amateurs, how thinking outside the box and expanding yourself is good, that you should HONE YOURSELF, prepare and refine yourself, train yourself to be a master. Logically I completely agree, I encourage people to do this, and I admire those who can do this, those whose pursuit is in art itself rather than a narrow topic or theme/interest. But like everything, it can’t just be taken and applied to every single person because, hey, I don’t want to be a great artist. I just want to have the tools to make what I enjoy possible; the ability to draw allows me to bring into existence what I want to see without paying others to draw it for me, and that’s it. same for music. I will certainly want to improve, but the mindset in that desire to improve is completely different from an artist hard at work towards enlightenment. Still, every time I see those posts I feel like a guilty criminal because it feels like I chose to be ignorant and shallow despite knowing I made a carefully thought out choice. I’ve developed such an indulgent personality because of my drawing/piano playing pursuits, but maybe I should just embrace it and actually let that help make whatever I create more compelling, than to second guess myself every couple of months about my ~artistic direction~
OK SORRY FOR THE INTERNAL BATTLE MADE EXTERNAL I have so much guilt piled up about what I choose to draw and this is probably the 10th time I talked about this idek. pls have a bach chaconne
I’ve been listening to this for a few days. I really like the song and although I was pretty adverse to the crazy echoey bass or subwoofer or whatever it is LOL… I got used to it and it’s just great ;-; It only has one 4-bar phrase but the composer added ONE CHORD for the fast section and suddenly the rhythm group is distinctly different and I was just like whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I’m really bad with rhythm I’m not sure why, I’ve been learning to play this piece but I just couldn’t get the right drive in my mind just because I can’t make beats on a piano ;-; anyway why am I unable to shut up IT’S A GOOD SONG IT GIVES ME FEELS and inspires many a vision my head, one of which I drew
veloce’s life is a literal perpetual battle, I imagine her constantly wishing for the end so she can rest and have some peace, not even in the I want to escape everything sense, but real closure and finale since she sees everything she has to do as obligations. Even if she’s incapacitated, it’s only a moment before she has to get back up and go back to where she left off.
In other news I started taking this 7-day treatment for h pylori and man these antibiotics are scary. I wonder if I should’ve been prescribed a lighter dose because of how small I am; an hour or so after I take the meds my heart would beat faster than normal and I’d feel as if my body is fighting a virus, and it’d last a few hours before it’s diluted enough and my body would calm down. It also makes me really hungry for some reason LOL… I expected to lose appetite since it’s killing everything in my stomach, but now half the day I’m starving. I really hope this is a good sign and that it would help me finally be able to gain weight, or just don’t k/o me before the meds are done ;__;
going to enjoy another few days before returning to finishing the few commissions I promised for friends so I can move on.